When it comes to talking about money with our partners or loved ones, many of us struggle with first of all how to start the conversation, and if we find the courage to reach out and engage in conversations about money, how do we manage our own feelings or money values. All of us have money values which reflect how we spend, save, and gift our money. But when our partners or loved ones money values differ it can be challenging to even have the simplest of conversations. For example, you could be a spendthrift (like to shop), your partner could be a tightwad (love to save) or either one of you is somewhere in between.

There are challenges we face in understanding our money values which makes it difficult to conversations about money. When we engage in conversations about our money with anyone — particularly loved ones, no one wants to appear as a failure or ill informed about money. The reality is most of us probably don’t know enough about our money — where our money goes and what we do with it making conversations challenging. Sometimes we use only guesswork. Facts are essential.

There are most definitely certain times of the year when talking about money such as taxes, bills and spending are top of mind. For example, January is one month of the year where we take stock of our life. We take stock of our money and personal finances in order to get off on a solid footing for the year, and of course to pay off holiday shopping bills. When spring arrives, tax planning is top of mind.

Surveys show that most couples combine their money which means most couple share in the successes and set backs of money relationships. According to marriage therapist Beth Erickson: when couples pool their finances, greater intimacy results. Her view is shared by people. In 2013, Merrill Lynch’s Affluent Insights Survey reported that 89% of married couples manage their money collaboratively. There is nothing wrong with engaging in a healthy dose of financial interdependency in romantic relationships. If you are struggling to start the conversation, here are things to consider which will help you keep your cool:

4 Tips on Relationships & Money

Separate emotional and financial relationships. When women enter into an emotional relationship with a man, it should not be confused with a financial relationship. Separate the two and you will feel a greater sense of worth.

Take responsibility for your own emotional and financial security. To create partnerships where the balance of power is equal, women must approach relationships with equal footing. That means seeing yourself as a strong and equal partner, even if your other half makes more money then you.

Engage in money interdependency. Manage money with your partner collaboratively. Pooling finances creates a deeper intimacy in a relationship. A powerful example of this interdependency is when one partner is out of work and the other carries the burden for the family. When you are completely dependent on someone else for your emotional and financial security, you relinquish control and become vulnerable.

Create strong relationships with financial professionals. Even if you are single, there is no need to act alone when it comes to your finances. Always have a trusted planner or advisor help you navigate the complex world of personal finance. You will save money, get more, and make fewer mistakes.

Is financial interdependence a new (or old) way to do things and manage money? Let me know how you feel.

Originally appeared in Huffington Post