Time is always well spent with friends and family engaging in conversation. Most of us know the enjoyment and pleasure that comes from breaking bread with friends and family. Recently we dined with our friends from Vancouver. We shared stories about everything in our lives from work-life balance (or lack thereof) to how expensive it is to raise children, and our retirement plans. We discussed the importance of teaching our children good money habits. And, we are our children’s best teachers about life and money.
For most families, the dinner table conversation can be diverse and varied. It’s inclusive. We talk to our kids about the day’s events, what went well and what didn’t go well. As parents we seek to connect at an emotional level with our kids and want to feel part of their lives. We will listen intently as our kids share stories of school yard activities etc. When we dine with our friends, we will cover a range of topics such as our health, the election, the cost of a barrel of oil or whether the Federal Reserve in the US will raise interest rates. But when it comes to talking about our personal wealth or personal finances, we tread more lightly.
Most of us will easily share stories about a bad (or good) investment we made or the fantastic deal with got. But, when the conversation turns to our personal finances, we will share very little about our debt levels (even though we may be managing our debt well), our savings or lack of savings, or how much money we make (even though this isn’t that difficult to figure out). We want to appear as good money managers in the eyes of our friends, even though we may indulge or get off track from time-to-time. But all of us know the moment our conversation gets a bit too personal about our finances because someone either politely changes the topic because of blank stares or we quickly start eating. Sound familiar? Why does this happen? It’s simple. Most of us feel talking about money is “too personal”. It makes us feel “uncomfortable.”
Part of the challenge for all of us is how we view our money. If we buy into social norms that money represents power we are doomed to embrace old paradigms that may or may no reflect our values. And, if we don’t have investment or saving balances based on some preconceived notion of what we should have, we may not feel successful. How we define our success must change. We can use our money, literally and metaphorically, to over-indulge, for example, taking on too much debt or over-spending but at the end of the day it’s a tool to help us live more comfortably.
How can we engage in real conversations about money that foster awareness, growth and healthier attitudes? Regardless of the economic climate, money and finances remain the top stressor since 2007. The American Psychology Association 2014 survey shows that “stress related to financial issues could have a significant impact on our health and well-being.” Almost seven out of ten (7 in 10) feel stressed over money matters. People in the survey who said they “have someone they can ask for emotional support, such as family and friends, report lower stress levels and better related outcomes than those without emotional support.” Yet in North America, so much of our self worth is tied to how much money we had or didn’t have growing up or make or what we do for a living today. Our culture celebrates success through traditional measurements or markers such as money and power.
We must slowly begin to change the conversation around the dinner table because there is a growing body of research that demonstrates how when we focus on our health and wellness first this has a significant impact on our lives overall. The healthier and better we feel about ourselves emotionally and spiritually have immediate impact on our quality of life, happiness and reduce stress. According to a study by the Milken Institute, “when we focus more on our well-being … in turn, it will help bring about the larger change from a model of success based on money, power, and overwork to one based on well-being, wise decisions and good ideas.”
Money alone will not bring us a joyful life. If we put all our eggs in one basket and think our money trumps relationships, everyday living and health and wellness, we will have less than a baker’s dozen.
Post originally appeared in The Huffington Post.